Men's Out Reach
"DON'T WASTE PRECIOUS TIME BY KEEPING YOUR SEX ADDICTION A SECRET; satan IS A LIAR AND DECEIVER WITH NO POWER OVER WHAT YOU DO OR DON'T DO, ONLY THE FALSE, MISLEADING TEMPTATION. REMOVE THE BONDAGE OF GRIEF AND DESPAIR, ELIMINATE THE FUTURE REGRETS THAT WILL EVENTUALLY OVERTAKE YOU LATER IN LIFE. DON'T ALLOW satan TO STEAL YEARS THAT CAN BE USED TO ENJOY TRUE FREEDOM IN CHRIST."
In the 1980’s, pornography and sex addiction was not a widespread problem. At most, a man or teenager could purchase a magazine or go to a strip club, but sources were very limited, and especially in rural America. In addition, it was prohibited by parents, teachers, and the community as a whole.
Today, the media has made porn the mainstream. Watch modern television shows, and they portray male characters as watching porn or that they crave sex. Even in men’s magazines, you’ll find articles about the normalcy of porn. It’s become embedded into our pop culture and therefore our entertainment and our conversations.
When the Internet was decommissioned in 1995, our world dramatically changed not only commercially but sexually. It is now estimated that Americans spend approximately $10 billion on adult entertainment annually. This is outrageous; men and women both are spending money on material that destroys families, careers, and minds. How many children can be provided medical care, healthy meals, and clean water with $10 billion? Makes people think, doesn’t it? In addition to the financial heartbreak, why would men want to stop looking at pornography, masturbating, or fapping?
It’s late at night on October 25, 2004; my laptop is open, staring me in the face waiting for a response. I reach over to type in sex videos in the search bar, and a comforting voice whispers in my right ear “please stop and walk away.” However, there is another voice shouting in my left ear “DON’T stop; go ahead watch porn!” I don’t have enough strength to resist the temptation, but I know that if I give in to watching porn, self-condemnation will set in, consuming my happiness and joy like a forest fire consumes oxygen. I haven’t opened the page on the computer yet, but I it’s calling my name “you know you want to, just do it”; trying to fight it off, I get up to walk around the house at 11:45 p.m., shaking my head and saying NO I won’t, I don’t need it, I will stop.
In 2004, I didn’t have the willpower to resist temptation and stop looking at porn. This late night addiction started November 2000 and lasted until 2013, due to emotional pain in the form of rejection and abandonment from family. However, it all made me feel like such a loser. Even though my pain was so devastating that I couldn’t eat or sleep and was sick, I still felt ashamed that I was a porn addict. I had no outlet, no friends that I could talk to, or at least wanted to open up to. The fear of being judged was even worse. I already felt lost and broken; I didn’t want to add to it by people pointing their fingers in my chest and getting in my face saying, “You are worthless”! It was a lie that Satan reminded me of nearly every day, with the thought “Don’t let anyone know you’re a loser by telling them you’re a porn addict; children, wife, and family will stop loving you. You have already been rejected, bullied and abandoned by people you love, you will LOSE everyone else if they find out”! Now as you read this today, you know this is a lie, but when you are hurting, alone and scared, it doesn’t take long to buy into Satan’s lies if it’s kept a secret. I wish with all my heart that I would have had taken that first step and opened up about my pain and addictions when it first became a problem. I wouldn’t have wasted so many years of my life in bondage.
As time passed, I became a professional at covering up porn, making excuses for my actions, finding times when family were asleep, going to locations where no one had access, and above all, lying about everything. The lies are paramount in keeping an addiction of any type hidden; an addiction cannot exist without lies. From the years 2000 to 2012, I tried to stop on my own and still keep it a secret. Of course, I failed miserably, making deals with myself saying, “One more time and the next day I will quit” and going to bed early, and/or leaving the laptop computer at the office. This would only lead to abstaining from watching porn for one to two weeks but again would fall back into the addiction. This cycle would go on for a month, causing discouragement, then giving in for a period of time, and then cycle again.
My first real attempt to quit started in 2012 when I went to a counselor to tell the truth and get help. However, I manipulated the truth by telling the counselor that I did have a problem but stopped watching porn in 2010, so I would not be judged harshly. In other words, I did have a problem, but I was a man, a strong man able to quit on my own without assistance. I didn’t know it at the time, but the counselor saw through my façade, knowing very well that I was still looking at porn. The counselor gave me some great tips about triggers and lies that Satan tempts you with, but soon thereafter I went back to trying to stop on my own.
In 2013, I came to the crossroad of willing to do anything to stop watching porn. The first step was to pray, asking God for guidance. The Lord touched my heart, knowing that I was willing to give up the pain, fear, and doubt with no hesitation, opening my mind and soul to the light. I removed the shackles by opening up to those people willing to embrace me as a person to defeat satan and stop the dependency.
What does it take to stop, to break the chains?
Open up, don’t let Satan lie to you and waste precious time by keeping it a secret. Don’t let this dependency control your life.
Jesus Christ is the answer―just do it; TAKE that first step, and submit your freedom statement!
PRAYER REQUESTS - Everything by PRAYER and supplication let your requests be known to GOD - Philippians 4:6
FREEDOM STATEMENT - Allow GOD to BREAK the yoke from your neck and TEAR your shackles away. - Nahum 1:13